Anger Therapy

All mixed up

When I started being the member of group therapy, I was all mixed up. Part of me had been healed (green), I had anger and sadness in my head, face, shoulders and arms (black and red). I had shame and guilt in my heart (blue and magenta), I had revengeful feeling in my gut (bile yellow).

Iceland in winter

Initially I used to keep quiet in group therapy. I used to observe others as patients. I could see and feel from both angles - therapist and client. Gestalt Psychotherapy is not as gentle as Rogerian person centered. Other group members were getting confronted by therapist. I was just waiting for my turn to be out and be as I am in front of the group.

Anger sapling unearthing

I had expressed my sadness, frustrations, guilt, shame, hopelessness, fear but the anger was last to come in therapeutic situation. My panic was due to this suppressed smothered anger. I always felt unable to handle my anger in social situations. I used to keep tight-lipped or used to cry silently in private.

Surfing over a high tide

One day, one moment came when I felt the upsurge to stand up and work on my dream in front of all members.
I could feel my heart pounding, head swirling, hands sweating, legs buckling in, void in my abs, tears burning behind my eyelids, tongue dried up, throat contracting, exhaling air......

Felt others with me

The advantage of being in group therapy was being listened and accepted by others.
When I got up, took a deep breath and was into my first explosion, I could feel others tensing up, breaths held, fists tightened, eyes wide and fixed on me and therapist alternately.

Before bombshell

My top dog was my controlling parent ego-state.
My underdog was complying or rebellious child ego state in me so far.
I used to plan as per the commands of parent in me and that plan was sabotaged by rebellious child in me.
Yellow circle is therapist. Blue circles are members. Black-lined figure with eyes red and teeth squeaking is I. Fearsome.

Underdog becoming a top dog

Most of the time, parent used to control the child in me. In this session, a suppressed child in me ventured to come out and verbally abused the authoritative figures in my life.
My top dog was my controlling parent ego-state.

The hidden demon inside me

I could feel a huge powerful demon inside me - Demon trapped in a bottle, trying to come out in open. With the help of my therapist, feeling assured of acceptance by my group members, I let him/her(?) come upfront.

Piercing the darkness around me

I was preparing myself to bring out the anger in me.
My therapist was facilitating me.
I had to get whole of my will together to make an effort to verbalize my anger.
That initial piercing into the darkness around me gave me the break forever.

Lava bursting and gushing out

My God! I felt as if I have become the ocean of adrenaline.
I became the violent earth.
I became the live volcano.....cascading lava from all sides.

Leaving behind my past

Major learning I had is to understand and accept that authority figures are human beings and not Gods.
We all are imperfect. Everybody errs.
We distort all information we see, listen, receive, store, chew over the period of time.

Celebrating success of anger therapy

Success:

I brought in flowers and pastries for the group members and therapist.
I shared my happiness, rejuvenated self with them.
I heartily thanked them for being with me and accepting the evil in me.